look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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