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• (804): View more from Virginia

  omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I want her autograph on my taint

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him

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• (903): View more from Texas

  EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock

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