Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
