No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
