Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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