8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We need to get me chipped asap
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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