There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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