she woke up with a sticky ear
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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