wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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