my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
