had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
