wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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