i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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