we're blogging at a bar
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
