What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
