Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
