Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
