My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
