That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just blew my weed a kiss
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
