my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
