She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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