I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
