Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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