apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
