Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
