I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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