why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
