Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
