I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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