It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
