Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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