if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
