We won't sleep together?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
