You're completely useless in the revolution.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
