had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
