Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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