Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
