paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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