when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
