Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
