he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
