If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
