hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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