Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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