We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
