Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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