You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
