If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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