none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
