Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
